my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
