They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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