I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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