I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
