can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
