this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh god was she eating orange peels again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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