when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
