I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Too much gin, very little bucket
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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