hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
