I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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