Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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