WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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