how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In America we eat man semen.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
