I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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