he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
