Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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