Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
