forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
