I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
