ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
