doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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