Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
