Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
