I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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