My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
