Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
two words: eviction party
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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