fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
