Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
