I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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