So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
