The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
