you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
