I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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