Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
