On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
