Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
