drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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