'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
