ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
