You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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