God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
is that a dick in a sweater?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
