I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I will be naked everywhere
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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