Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
