i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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