i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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