he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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