I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
