ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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