He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
