go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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